Antony & Adara©
by Khanåda–
Sept, 2006
Taken from my personal fanfic Inspired by
James Purefoy’s Mark Antony
(HBO’s Rome)
A torrential rushing
flood inflames me
to abandon reason and succumb to him
The gods, they taunt me
for protection or relief I plead
but instead raging lust I receive
escape him I must, for him I do not trust
still the fire rages, still my body it defeats me
and I succumb to his charms
lose myself in his arms
fatal, this seed of love betrays
his touch, his voice, his kiss in my heart stays
for I have been left to grieve
from my love, unrequited I leave
Unveiling My Road to Happiness©
by Khanåda - June, 2006
How do I rate this
Recurring stain of misery
Pressed into a lovely picture
Hollow interpretation
Or is it deeper than that
There’s a message there for me
A message screaming
But the lines are blurred
The perception skewed
And upon my release…
Stop, wasn’t making sense
I watched the hammer fall
And now I feel nothing
Emptiness there, but oh
This is good, beyond compare
My child is rocking quietly
My ancient side meditating
The core of myself glows
And I am privy to it
The secret is now mine…
Don't Wake Me©
by Khanåda - May, 2004
I’ve been starving
So long starving
Now here you are
Like an oasis
I could eat you up
Consume you completely
Drink your water
Bite right into you
Make you forget your name
Make me forget myself
Take a long trip outside this reality
And fill myself with you
I don’t know who I was
Everything has changed
Life, death, love and God
Have all transformed for
Now I know more
I understand, if only just a little
And dreams I will no longer rely on
For dreams are only within me
And without you I am incomplete
I live and breathe you
If only for that moment
We are one
You take me places beyond
You drink me like milk
You hold on like life itself
There’s no escape
From the path we must take
Who’s to say where it will lead
For whether in this life
The life before or the next
There is no one like you
And I am consumed
No longer simply me
No longer alone
Don’t wake me
Don’t rouse me from this reality
Don’t let me dream again
Don’t wake me
Don’t rouse me
Don’t let me dream again
Haunting©
by Khanåda - May, 2004
Another long road
Another demanding day
Spread myself too thin
Thinking and faking
As the lights come up
You tend to haunt me
Like a ghost determined
To take my logic
And throw it to the wind
When we finally begin
Lights are fading
Traffic never stops
Voices never cease
And another day looms
You like to taunt me
Like a child determined
To take my sanity
And make me smile again
It’s amazing
How well you understand
Without you each task
Would be mundane
I would not want to wake
You bend to hold me
Like a tower of strength
Love to lean on
In times of madness
You tend to haunt me
Like a ghost determined
To take my logic
And throw it to the wind
No
Sleep ©
by Khanåda - June, 2004
No sleep
I can’t stop thinking of you
Taking myself apart
For this drowning of my heart
How kind
your invasion of my mind.
No sleep
Tossing and turning for you
Tearing myself apart
For this drowning of my heart
Love you
It’s all I want to do
Rising and sinking
Over you
No sleep
So deep
Rising and sinking
Over you
No sleep
Longing to be wrapped in you
Taking myself apart
For this drowning of my heart
So true
How I long for you
Please come home...
Rising and sinking
Over you
No sleep
So deep
Rinsing and sinking
Over you
Rising
Over you
Sinking
Over you…
I
Took Your Picture©
by Khanåda - June, 2004
I took your picture
And saw in your eyes
A tainted past
Where wounds still last
What your daddy said
Has gone to your head
Release. Feel peace
For love has found you
My love will save you
I took your hand
You blessed my life
My tainted past
The wounds still last
But the words you said
Cleared my head
Release. Feel peace
For love has found you
My love will save you
He tore you up
And wore you down
You still feel the pain
But you’re not the same
You give so much
Heaven in your touch
My love, the pain has gone
The rain has cleared
And there’s nothing better
Than when we are one
Release. Feel peace
For love has found you
My love will save you
Rearranged©
by Khanåda - August, 2004
In your eyes I see
change
Begs my heart to rearrange
Under his influence all was wrong
Drawn into the web of his song
Now I have you warm and real
You’re readjusting what I feel
My soul’s foundation was a lie
Now I have a reason to try
I’ve changed everything but my name
Nothing inside me is the same
Rebuilt all I took apart
Salvaged the pieces of my heart
Dig Your Own Whole©
by Khanåda - Aug, 1997 (Rev. July
2003)
Get used to it
It’s ground in deep
sealed with hollow promises
They hold you there
Those tiny diamonds
Hewn from cold stone
In a storm of ice
while you in your greed
still playing to your "freedom"
bound by empty lust
gorging on strangers
you are the magnet
for such that is undesirable
years spent in release for depravity
dig the emptiness
dig the pain
dig the lies
dig the fame
tired and spent
you don’t look happy
you yearn to keep up
damned to give up
damned to change anything
completely lost yourself
refusing to see it like it is
destined for oblivion
holding to a dream
why do you cling to me
do you think I belong with you
when I'm not what you want
you are more than you show the world
you are the product of your own way
change is your only
hope
change is the only way...
dig the emptiness
dig the pain
dig the lies
dig the fame
Dig it babe, Dig Your Own Whole…
dig rejection
dig disdain
dig reflection
dig the fame
Dig it babe, Dig Your Own Whole...
Awake Now©
by Khanåda - July 25, 2003
I’m awake now
Dazed but getting clearer
What has gone before
Leaves me in wonder
Who have I become
I am feeling so free
This is no time
to cower in embarrassment
This is my freedom
This is my future
And blackened leaves
That looked so bleak in the dark
Are now a brilliant green
Like a whisper
sometimes it returns
shaking a habit
isn’t always easy
but I’m reminded
you are not here
this is not what you want
and my resolution is now
I do not want it either
there is no reason to hurt
no reason to fear
no tears to cry
this is simply Goodbye.
No©
by Khanåda - Mar. 14, 2003
You were my perfect one
if I never wanted love
You were the man for me
if I wanted to be alone
You were my soul mate
who abandoned me for lust
No
is the easiest answer
No
encompasses all you ever felt for me
No
holds all of my doubts within it
No
speaks only the truth
No
holds me in it's cold embrace
No
spread my wings so that I may fly
No
answers the cries of my heart, and leaves me bleeding
No
is the essence of you inside of me
No
is the author and the finisher of all my love
No
is the only truth to ever leave your lips
No
overshadowed us from the beginning
No
has finally awakened me from the dream...
Alright in the End©
by Khanåda - Aug. 2003
Who are you?
I don't know you, with your attitude and your gluttony
and it hurts me to worry for you
for too many years I’ve been in the dark
dreaming dreams that you were something you are not
now as dawn is breaking and all comes to light
I know what I could never admit
that you are lost and I am found
I can let go of the night and soak in the morning
no more misery, loneliness and heartache
my heart should never have ached for you
for we were never meant to be
this is the end
and everything will be alright...
Journey Home©
by Khanåda - Aug. 22, 2003
There was, in my past, a road stretching long and promising
This was the road to my love, my life - or at least it seemed so
I followed what looked like the brightest, straightest path
There seemed to be light there, but as I walked, I was shrouded in darkness
Slowly the path vanished and I began to make my own
But there was trouble beating it out
And all I wanted was to return to where I started
Well I don’t give up easily so I dared to stick it out
And found to my dismay that I was completely lost
There was no chance of finding my way back
I no longer trusted myself
The guiding force that had led me all my life
left me the moment I decided to make my own path
But what was I to do since the original path had vanished
This wilderness is so dark and strange
I find some souls that are friendly
Others that are dangerous, like nothing I’ve ever encountered before
I wanted to have a love filled with my greatest desires, doesn’t
everyone?
But oh, how naive that sounds to me now
It’s cold here, quiet, crowded, lonely and dark…so dark
Whenever I try to find a way out, or make a path, I get more lost
And I realize, as everything around me moves in a kaleidoscope fashion
That I have never been loved
In all of my outpouring all I’ve ever received was rejection
But this new me, the me that has had to adapt here, is closed
I must protect myself
I must care for myself, no one is here to help me
No one is here for me to lean on
I am in control, I am at the mercy of this place
How should I proceed and will I ever feel like I belong
I believe I will grow old here
And so I am resolved, I will make my life here
Make the best of what I have and find happiness on my own
This is my home, this is my home, this is my home…
Equasion Does Not Compute©
by Khanåda - Sept. 16, 2003
No matter how I see it
no matter the angle
the direction
the perspective
if I was what you wanted
you would be with me
I
just can't understand why
why you would cry
why the words
why the song
why you say you ached for me
for so very long
when you never intended to be with me
never intended to follow through
I
can't work our the equasion
can't resolve the issue
can't solve the problem
because the bottom line
the ultimate resolution
the final answer is
if you had really wanted me
we would be together
The Weapon©
by Khanåda - 2001
You shrink before the weapon
make peace with your existence
I pressured you and broke the dream
intruded where I shouldn't be
the world was hungry, it always is
chewed you up and spit you out
now you've fallen for it
a love you cannot shake
masochist to the bone
you cry the day is howling
I am hollow, cannot follow
but you like just where you stand
like yin and yang are we
separated by the hungry
there's nothing lonelier than being in love
it's a one way street
we make the decision and follow
kid ourselves it's shared, but emptiness is reward
and true loneliness you cannot understand
make your judgments, you don't know me
they spread their legs to make you happy
don't think I haven't thought it
one after the other
and don't think there's any better
true love is like a feather
it tickles you, you scratch
then the wind carries it away
you'd rather not have it anyway
so cést la vie, there will always be another
eager to open up for you
because it's all just satisfaction
and what is a muse
but just another weapon
Yes and No©
by
Khanåda - Mar. 2001
Gotta fly babe, you know why
Called to you, you know it’s true
It’s no damn fun when she comes undone
But don’t hesitate, ‘cause it’s just too late
you said no, but no means yes
yes means no, so here we go
She’s got your back, 'aint that a fact
On the floor baby wants some more
Dishin’ it out’s what it’s all about
‘cause it’s suicide when you’ve lost your pride
you said no, but no means yes
yes means no, so here we go
you said no, but no means yes
yes means no, I gotta go
again...
Garden of Heart©
by Khanåda - 2001
See
this poem as ART
My garden of blackened leaves
Do greet the dawn of midnight
Red rain fell hard around us
To drown the earth in splendor
So borne are rivlets flowing
Feeding splendid vines so ripe
Tasted the wine so sweet and red
Turned sick and sorrowed like oil inside
Left me here dying in my plight
Salvation to my heart, it was you
Once love seemed pure and blooming true
Turned rotten and crusty brown with decay
Fooled as if by midday sun
Dark clouds rolling fast entreat
The poet, you were fair with words
Pied piper singing sweet songs to heaven
Now nothing left but moistened eyes
Never drying, ever dying me
Breaking chains to this tree called you
I surrender in release of denial
Knowing sure I shall ever be free
Alone in the garden of my night
Until the dawn in fierce delight
Turns blackened leaves to red
A-Void©
by
Khanåda - 2001
I
am a void
You must avoid me
I have no place
No destiny
I am a void
You must avoid me
I love I ache
Too late
I am a void
You must avoid me
Exist not to be
I am free
I am a void
You must avoid me
I affect nothing
Nothing affects me
Discontent of Days©
by Khanåda - Revised 2001
When all that matters gathers itself to meet with destiny
the terror of empty hands pouring over again and again
trying to understand the tears in rain so vain
yet without them I could not feel justified
He says, "I don't know you." and I float away
language is void, no words left to say
so I rip apart the superficial to keep me sane
or feed my insanity, either way
he took my hand and broke my heart
fight with self pity just like all the rest
no matter how I look at it - he just never cared
or we were never meant to be
Do You Now©
by Khanåda - 2001
Who do I think you are
A simple man, a rock star
Did I pretend to know you
I do now
Who do you think I am
A gentle girl, a clever muse
Did you pretend to love me
You do now
What did I believe in
A true love, a mistake of fate
Did I pretend it was real
I do now
Where do you think we’re going
To eventual union, a final goodbye
Do you intend to do it
You do now
Extra! Extra!©
by Khanåda - Mar. 20, 2001
Should I tell the world?
Or would you deny me?
Shout it out
If you’re looking for an out
Me, I’m not blind to reality
Say it like it is
You’re a slave to the biz
But deep inside is where I’ll be
Whether by your side, or lonely
Oh, should I tell the world?
Or would you deny me?
Shout it out
If you’re lookin’ for an out
Hey, I know the consequence
See it like it is
I’m a slave to you
Though I stand here blinded
I can see through
Babe it’s been so long
Though it still feels like yesterday
You keep me here
Caught and sheltered
Desperate to be set free
Only you hold the key
So please tell me
Should I tell the world?
Or would you deny me?
Shout it out
You wanna try me?
I’ll shout it out
If you’re lookin’ for an out…
Floating©
by Khanåda - Apr. 2001
I nearly drowned
In a sea of emotions
Pushing against the waves
Of your rejection
But I reached the surface
Alone and gasping
And sang the song
Of freedom making rain
I don't...©
by Khanåda - Nov. 16, 2001
Don't kiss me
I don't want to be kissed
don't touch me
I don't want to be touched
I don't want to feel
don't want to feel helpless
don't want to feel small
Don't talk down to me
I don't want to talk
Don't hold me
I don't want to be held
I don't need
don't need you
don't want to want
don't want to care
Don't hurt me
I don't want to hurt
don't want to hurt
anymore
On High©
by Khanåda - Mar. 2001
I fell from the sky
Where you put me on high
Realities a bummer
I’m just another number
Same as all the rest
We failed that little test
Here I am, this is my life
I am drowning, my soul is ripe
You can wipe the slate
Though it seems it’s too late
What was there for so long
Was never there to be gone
So if I die tomorrow
Let there be no sorrow
For I will be free
Never loved, lonely me
The truth will come calling
No more will I be falling
I’ll take to the skies
Where you’ll put me on high
September Rain©
by Khanåda - Rev: 2001
There’s a gentle breeze, it’s September
And the thunder’s rolling in
Then fondly I remember
The times you let me in
Cry tears as rain gathers above
Working magic in the sky
To rain down on my love
Let go September rain
Flood my ground, come to drown
This pain
Feel no peace this September
Empty hands empty heart
And I ache for you
Every second we’re apart
No such love can gather in
Like September rain
Fill my heart, fill my hands
And I ache for you
Let go September rain
Flood my ground, come to drown
This pain
The Muse©
by Khanåda - 2001
I, the muse am just a poet
harmless and I think you know it
paint pretty rhymes to fill your heart
while left alone I fall apart
use my pain, my love, my hurt
now you've got an albums worth
take my years of inspiration
a trade for face to face rejection
Until December©
by Khanåda - 2001
Ghosts of the past still linger on
Carry my breath until the dawn
I will accept it and feel the pain
Search my soul for you again
And again
Until December
When all is said and done
My December
Without you I die alone
Year after year for long and long
I held my breath for you to come
But time is empty and love is pain
Search my soul for you again
And again
Until December
When I’m old and gray
My December
Without you I die alone
Never to have known
I die alone
Waiting For Nothing©
by Khanåda - Spring 1993 (Rev:Apr. 2001)
I’ve wept for you in disbelief
Of how we came to be
The years we’ve spent so far apart
Our time we could not see
But as you learn the truth inside
And your own realities
The more you find, the less you have
We’ve been waiting for nothing you see
While in our minds we meet so well
Beyond this worldly mess
We unite in love and tenderness
Yet never know the rest
But as I learn the truth inside
And my own realities
The more I find, the less I have
We’ve been waiting for nothing I see
So now’s the time when all comes out
And the verge of union rests
Though pain in brings at last we learn
Out worlds apart are vast
And as we learn the truth inside
And our own realities
The more we find the less we have
We’ve been waiting for nothing you see
Where You Belong©
by Khanåda - Mar. 2001
Forgive me baby it’s been so long
And you might think that it’s all long gone
I make on judgments, never followed the rules
A peasant in this world enamored with you
Know I was wrong, made mistakes, tempted fate
Like you said long ago, it’s always been too late
‘cause in this world of class and pride
We each have our places on opposite sides
And the gnawing pain that’s eaten at me
Has made me surrender and set it free
I could take back a volume of all I said
To calm the waters and cool your head
But with age comes reflection and gentle release
And I accept my place in it with a sense of peace
I can tell when I see you that you have moved on
And where you are now is where you belong
But just know in my heart you will always be
Like an unfinished poem, for eternity.
Which Feeling is Real©
by Khanåda - 2001
How do I feel
Which feeling is real
when all I know is doubt
and I find I'm running out
of time
How do I feel
Which feeling is real
when time after time I try
to look beyond the lie
and find there's nothing left
but truth
How do I feel
Which feeling is real
what standing do I take
when so much is at stake
I fight
How do I feel
Which feeling is real
day by day I twist
to satisfy this itch
and keep this nagging twitch
in me
You Don’t Know Me©
by Khanåda - 2001
Say the word
You don’t know me
It’s all in my head
You don’t know me
Tell the world
You don’t know me
‘cause if you did
you wouldn’t be afraid
feel good around me
open up to me
but you’re scared
‘cause you don’t know me
Spread the word, no I’m not mad
It’s all in my mind, but I’m not mad
Tell the world that I’m not mad
‘cause if I was
I would be afraid
Take back all I said
Pretend we never had
But you’re the one who’s scared
‘cause you don’t know me
Medusa Smiling©
by Khanåda - Rev 2001
Published in"Before The Shadows Fade"
and the Eternal Portrait Series:"Chateaux Dass La Brume"
Medusa’s on the water
Black moon setting for the rising sun
Beneath the surface the land is cold
Waiting…
Medusa’s smiling
Stone flowers in her hands
Stretching her soul
To roam the earth within
Tasted the blood on her lips
Blood for pain or for love again
Medusa’s crying
So tired of his game
Stretching her heart
To try and love again
Tasted the blood on his lips
Blood for love or blood for pain
Medusa’s in the sky
Cool evening air rises to night
On the horizon dark clouds gather
Waiting…
Alone and Abandoned©
by Khanåda - 2000
Wherever you are
in your own little world
you keep me
alone and abandoned
you sing of love
of sorrow, or pain
still you keep me
alone and abandoned
I say goodbye, I say hello
nothing changes
tomorrow and today
you will keep me
alone and abandoned
years go by
I don't know why - why I try
can't be your girl
can't share your world
you know what I'm good for
just keep me alone
alone and abandoned
If I'm Not Meant for You©
by Khanåda - June 23, 2000
I am meant for no one
and no one is meant for me
always alone, again I've fallen
for someone else's Honey
Someday, maybe I'll find a love
and together we'll be happy
but not forever, just a taste
or how true love could be
soon he'll find his someone
and alone again I'll be
the girl who's meant for no one
with no one meant for me
Another Me©
by Khanåda Dec. 23, 1997
Coming to terms with the reality
Of who I am
Knowing finally that nothing
Is how it seemed
Facing myself in the mirror
Of life
Like the rippled waters of
Hope
Pain
Love
And strife
There seems to be nothing left
For me
And so I die inside
I die
To make way for
Another me…
Pale Blue Soul©
by Khanåda - Dec. 1997
Published
in the Eternal Portrait Series:"Chateaux Dass La Brume"
Your eyes
The windows
to a Pale blue soul
Of nobility
Of dignity
Lost inside
Distant from grace
Forsaken yourself
for something less fine
A fallen angel
Your mind debased
Tender soul
Your heart unlaced
Trapped in the world
Unable to find
The truth of you
So far behind
Your eyes
Closed
Dark windows
To a pale blue soul…
All About You©
by Khanåda - Jan. 1995
Something to say
‘cause I see the way
something I see
and it burns me
live that lie
let them die
take your share
never care
it’s all about you
it’s all about you
let it rot, let it burn
let the idiots have their turn
lt’s all about you
it’s all about you
beat them, hate them
shoot and kill them
evil is good and good is evil
dance your dance and play the fool
too stupid to see
it’s all about you
all about you…
Safe To Say Goodbye©
by Khanåda - 1995
Somewhere deep in the crevices of my mind
nagging thoughts are crawling. Gnarled fingers and hollow eyes
seeking solace, searching for warmth, comfort and a place to rot
and mold to drive me insane. Wrinkled in rage, slowly the pain
steals me away. No time, no where was I ever
this way. I could feel the blackness fill my like smoke,
purple putrid and gray. Ravaged and sick I attempt to flee
but without light, without day.
Oh, in the light there is no fear, no despair in the day. to stand in
the sun,
to drift through the shade, but for now the light strays away.
Make a path of nothing more than desire, nothing less than pain.
Sing the song of redeeming love if it's not too late. Wake in
trembling fear and sweat. Never trust him, never give him that.
Wait in the garden. When it's too late then it's safe
to say Goodbye...
Lady Venus©
by Khanåda - Aug 1993
Lady Venus plots to fool you
trick of the trade to the unbalanced heart
just when you think it's safe to give
Lady Venus tears apart
Life©
by Khanåda - Summer 1993
I move in my destiny
With this love in it’s infancy
As the world in atrocity
Cries out for heresy
We all live hesitantly
On the lap of luxury
And we spruce with effigy
Our homes of simplicity
There is no certainty
So we just sit quietly
Watching eagerly
As time spills like blood
From the wounds of eternity…
Sadly Mistaken©
by Khanåda - Spring 1993
You say you're all alone
there is no God on high
to help you in your pain
but you won't even try
you insist your faith is gone
or that it was never there
you seek for pity, but where's your spine
could your heart so empty care
I read in frustration
your words of dictation
though this stand you have taken
you are sadly mistaken
The roads you take are loud
with voices pained they cry
like running through a crowd
or falling from the sky
your narrow minded hints
prove you just don't know how
to think it through and learn just this
that the answer's calling down
Cry of the Banshee©
by Khanåda - 1993
With temptation she will take you
She will make of freedom dust
And nothing you’ll remember
Of the righteous or the trust
Her father is the liar
A thing of hope made into rust
And I think I heard her whisper
Make of fire my retreat
No soft and cool seclusion
No harmony or peace
Make victory illusion
Brothers with me sisters beat
She came to be the daughter
To carry cunning to the streets
She came to taunt the liar
Into further black entreats
She came to lure the noble
From their humble quiet place
And I thought I heard her crying
Set the heavens above me
And hellfire at my feet
Death is my dominion
Through my charms and vile deceit
Her voice is like a bitter wind
The saddest song to win your heart
But beware her cry of fear and sin
Rising empty from the dark
Kamikaze Dream©
by Khanåda - Summer 1993
My reeling senses
Silent as the chattering man
Bent on destruction
And facing this pain
Like kamikaze dreams
To be set free, Oh oblivion
To set me free
Center my reflection
Melting as wax in my hand
Serving this rejection
And racing this man called time
Father of my spirit
Dragging me up into the sky
Falling falling again
Like kamikaze dreams
Set me free, Oh the void
Don’t give up on me
Like suicide of the mind
Damned to feel this feeling
To be set free
Like a kamikaze dream
Master of Destiny©
by Khanåda - 1993
The sacred patterns lie
To form the creases of my life
Worn are the fingers that work
Torn are the fragments of time
Holy, untouched by sin
And where do I go but above
Switch hands and hold me
Kissed the blood from his lips
Cold, vicious madness
His passion burns my skin
And I’m spinning, spinning, spinning
Never take me home
He drains me and I die
Let me not ask, no questions why
To me he is the life
To me he brings the death
Taste his blood on my lips
Cold, delicious sadness
The passions burn my skin
And he’s sinking, sinking, sinking
Will I always be alone~
Nickels & Dimes©
by Khanåda - July 1993
From blankets of snow they rise
Holding their labors in small hearts and small hands
To play of life it’s part
Approaching, the deceiver
Then spells out their crimes
Bought and paid in nickels and dimes
With wide eyes of glory
They are turned to pain
Thinking their labors all were in vain
Stripped down beneath the pass
In naked shame His blood regress
The dark abyss with goading glares
Upon their brows and body stares
With blackest shame once paid in plight
To lead the young ones to delight
Now torn from hope their sad eyes cry
And gaze as lambs into the sky
Beneath the dust and dirt retreat
Beneath their wounds in vile deceit
Fighting their crimes
Until they die
In big hands and big hearts deny
Red Love©
by Khanåda - Spring 1993
The
blood that is life, my love
Filled in red velvet and ruby wine
Torn by the pain of the soul
And the choice to say
My darling, surrender to the red love
Surrender to the pain
Safe for the nighttime
Safe in the cold light of day
Surrender to the vision
Another world beyond this way
Safe for tomorrow
Alone in the cold light of day
Red fountains in my skin, this love
Flowing with vibrant life and endless time
Vacant by the will of the flesh
And the choice is made
My darling, surrender to the red love
Surrender to the pain
Safe for this nightmare
Alone in the cold light of day
Surrender to the vision
Another world beyond this way
Safe for this sorrow
Alone in the cold light of day
To Sacrifice My Feelings©
by Khanåda - Summer 1993
Suddenly
I'm hearing a voice
sounds so real to me
saves me from my darkness
but will it stay
please stay
don't go away
Sometimes
I feel like pleading
at others I feel disdain
but doubt overshadows it all
but will it stay
please don't stay
just go away
Drank
the blood from my sacrifice today
tasted bitter, but felt so sweet
nothing could make me feel so lost
But I want you
I need you
I love you
Love Is©
by Khanåda - Jan. 29, 1993
I
have tried to understand
to learn to be alone
been selfish in my quiet place
be happy in my home
Now the time has taught me much
has helped me feel the truth
that where my heart is, that to me
is all I need from you
Love
is not the being with
or aching on your own
Love is not passions gift
or promise carved in stone
Love
is quiet
Love is peace
Love is perfect
kind and sweet
Love is happy
Love is true
But more than this
My love is you
The Plot©
by Khanåda - Summer 1993
Ploy
to plot the wooden box
dark and damp in fear of rot
spoiled beyond my deepest fears
riding high beyond my years
you plagiarize my feeling heart
and threaten my to burn apart
the life beyond this cutting rope
upon desire we feel and grope
to seek the cry of bitter lust
set to crumble into dust
only now in aged growth
caught within this sagging oath
surrender under dusty ground
when unto death the soul is found
Withered©
by Khanåda - Feb. 1992
Starving
Measure me, my soul
Desires flown away ~ lost
Peace, emptiness, death
I cannot decide
As I stretch to find
My way
Am I withered as a reed
The blood has left me
Like a fleeing child
And I lie here
Pondering my confusion
Resting in the sand
The snow
The surface
Floating in a sea of glass
As I stretch to find
My way~
Fools Rage©
by Khanåda - May 1992 (Rev:2001)
Turn the other cheek
And make a voice for yourself
Married to this feeling
Yet alone in your sanctuary
It’s bitter
Rage turns you to stone
And the party goes on until daylight
You’re never alone
Surrounded by faces of want and desire
This crack in your life
Heals slowly
Only to open again and again
Surrender for pain
Yet the rage goes on
And on
And on ~
Near Dark©
by Khanåda - Winter 1992
ART
Near dark the guest
At dawn the rest
And in HIS coffin lay
HIS body sleep
The guest in grief
The life HE shall betray
Tonight the kill
At dawn the thrill
And on the hill shall be
The body slain
In it’s disdain
It’s blood now course through HE
You Are Confusion©
by Khanåda - Spring 1986
Around the underground through the
Tunnels of doubt and fear, I’ve seen the traces
Of your soul, stranded in out time, a hidden life a dark star.
Give me the answers, hold on to this hope, for me it stands
As my only life. Through rumors and past lives it lives only
To be a far destiny, please, don’t let it die, don’t watch
me
Cry. A fabulous trance you’ve covered, a raging, gaping moon
Haunts out skies. Sharing the spirit with the fearful one, is she the
one.
So fearful sot drawn you know you stand alone, but not forever, the
True heart, not forever……
So frightened so torn, always in another time, always in touch with
Another sound. I feel myself spinning spinning round and round and
Around. So sensual drives me wild so deep and tired tears me
Down. Fancy the fear dancing in falling tears spinning through passing
years.
You scatter myself doesn’t matter the time. I need your help so
powerful,
I’m torn to shreds. Miles or stretching roads what leads to insanity
I can see but never fear, never hear their screams never live their
schemes…
Those falling d
R
E
A
M
S
Calling Calling©
by Khanåda - 1986
Standing in this raging fire
Unsure and mangled with the confusion of a dreaming mind
Around the turntable, oh so confused by your presence, is it there?
I want to be closer. Pull me to you. Tell me how.
It’s darker each time I try to predict.
With each thought do I decide my fate.
The answer alludes and may I never find it.
I’m wanting to be held by you.
Oh the fear of an embarrassing song.
The mistakes drawn on a frightened face.
A feeling drowning all questions at certain times.
Let me know, do I have to wait?
I need a feeling. I need you here.
An invisible touch, an impossible truth.
How obscure your voice, it’s questions growing as you sing.
Do you want me?
Was it a dream?
I find myself calling, calling, calling…
Don’t ask me how I dare…
Chain of Past©
by Khanåda - 1986 (Rev. 2001)
Haunted in your blinding light
Drenched by tears from the sky
With your soul a constant fight
A growing, twisting, shattered why
Hold the tide, the powerful flow
Of oceans filled with our dreaded show
I’ll wait for you and never know
My dwindling hopes have grown so old
Link by link you’re taken down
Pulled apart and spread around
Those who broke your chain of past
Mourning of the pain of past
I found the circuit to your mind
Doors you thought you’d never find
Long lost roads twist and wind
Your heart’s so steep I have to climb
Left your secret curtains torn
Speak only truth and never scorn
My heart’s desire, she beats for you
Paint for me a dream come true
Link by link you're taken down
Ripped apart and spread around
Those who broke your chain of past
Mourning of the pain of past
Oh my love in your last days
Turn to me, just please say
‘I love you forever’ (love you forever)
and feed the burning desire…
Frustration©
by Khanåda - 1985
I climb
But I am unable to reach the peak
I run
But the road keeps extending
I speak
But no one ever listens
I fight
But my strength quickly fades
I strive
Buy my soul is always doubtful
I want
But something always stands in my way
I need
But I am never provided for
I love
But I am given none in return
I try
But the odds are always against me
I stop
I cry
But I soon run out of tears
Grafik Illusion©
by Khanåda - 1985
You’ve been searching
For oh so long
Nearly yearning
You’re not so strong
What is it you think you see
Are you sure it isn’t me
I can feel your confusion
Pondering over
My grafik illusion
Come try and touch
I’ll be here waiting
I want you so much
But I find myself fading
I don’t see why
Troubles on your side
Come now baby
Don’t you want to fly
~just follow as I guide~
La la la life
In only so long
Tell me why
You’re not that strong |
